Monday, November 26, 2012

Universal Mom Rights

As mothers, most of us have endured months of growing bellies, morning sickness (and afternoon and evening sickness), peeing into a cup, heartburn, sleepless nights, glucose tests and inappropriate comments from strangers. And that's all before we could even hold our kids in our arms.

I'm not saying that it wasn't worth it, but I have decided that there simply needs to be a set of rights for mothers. A set of privileges that a mother may call on at any time for any reason. I propose the following list, which I believe will be perfect for my boys as well as many other moms.

As your mother, I reserve the right to:
  • Sneak into your bedroom at night to watch you sleep so I can convince myself that you are not in fact the demon child that I swore you were just a few hours earlier.
  • Tell you that I am eating carrots when I just shoved an entire Twix bar into my mouth.
  • Lock the bathroom door at any time, even if your world is ending because you can't find the Mickey Mouse toy that you got for your birthday two years ago that you haven't played with or asked about since. Because there are really some things you just don't want to see your mom doing. Ever. You will learn about these things, things such as "that time of month," when you are older, and you will thank me for not scarring you for life.
  • Respond to any of your questions with "because I said so" as many times as I feel necessary.
  • Hide wherever I want to during a game of hide-and-seek, even if it is in a location that you are not able to get to.
  • Force you to play, yes actually play, with a friend when they come over for a playdate.  

What rights would you add to the list?

I swear I was eating carrots. That candy bar wrapper on the counter was from the playdate you had yesterday. Remember, the playdate where I had to force you to play?

1 comment:

  1. LOL Awesomeness!

    I would add this: "The Quiet Game" is a daily required activity that has no set duration or limitation as to amount of times it can be played in one day. :)