A few days after New Year's, I was having a rare morning of "me" time while Alec was at preschool and Chase was at home with Chad. I decided to go to Panera Bread and enjoy a leisurely cup of coffee and catch up on the latest gossip in my Redbook magazine (even if the "latest" gossip is really the October edition that has been sitting on my desk unopened for four months). Being the Facebook addict that I am, I also had to share this as my status. So I opened up my phone and typed, "Alec is at school, Chase is hanging out at home with Chad, and I'm enjoying coffee and a magazine at Panera Bread. I'd say this is a good way to start the New Year!
After a half hour or so, I checked my phone to see if anyone had commented on my status. A few people had "liked" it, and a few others had offered comments telling me to enjoy the time. But the more I thought about it, the less I liked what I had really said. Was I really saying that a great way to start off the New Year is without my kids?
I've never been a fan of New Years resolutions, and this year is no exception. I've just never seen the point in waiting until a new year starts to try to achieve something you want. But I do use the start of a new year as a time to reflect on what is going on in my life. And this year I turned to Facebook to help me out. After considering the status I had just posted, I thought back to other statuses I had shared over the past year or so... "All I want for Christmas is for Chase to sleep more than 30 minutes at a time during the day...", "...looking forward to date night tonight...", "...taking a deep breath, counting to 10, and repeating over and over to myself I love my children, I love my children, I love my children...". I think you get the picture. Basically a lot of my statuses had to do with my frustrations with my children or enjoying time without them. In fact, if someone who didn't know me were to visit my Facebook page, they might just wonder why I even had children in the first place.
But just as I was about to put myself up for nomination for worst mother of the year, I realized that for every one frustrating status there were two or three statuses that showed my love for my kids. There were statuses about the fun trips we took, like to Zoo America or to see Yo Gabba Gabba. There were statuses about trying to find home remedies for my poor little guy who wasn't feeling well. There were statuses about what Alec or Chase happened to do on a particular day that made me laugh. There were statuses about not being able to believe how quickly the kids are growing up.
Before I knew it it was time to pick Alec up from school. On the way to get him, I think I figured out what I was really thinking when I made the initial Facebook post that got me onto this whole train of thought. I was thinking that I had a wonderful time on New Year's Eve day with Chad & the boys. We played at the Whitaker Center for a while before heading over to see some children's theatre and a kid's countdown to noon, and we ended the day with a trip to Christmas Candylane at Hersheypark. And while I had a blast watching Chase play in the water table at Whitaker and watching Alec on all the rides at Hersheypark, I also had a blast at Panera Bread sipping my coffee and reading my magazine (even if I barely made it past the table of contents because I really spent all my "me" time thinking about the kids!). So a great start to the New Year was actually spending some quality time with my family, while also escaping for some non-mommy time. Now if only that would have fit into a Facebook status!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
Liar Liar Part 2: The Disappearing Biffy
A few months ago I wrote about Alec's addiction to his pacifier (or his biffy as we called it) and my dilemma of how to get rid of it (http://mommys-always-write.blogspot.com/2010/10/liar-liar.html). I am happy to report that we are now a biffy-free house!
Are you ready to hear my secret that worked like a charm? I simply didn't give it to him at night. I didn't say a word about it, and neither did he. Yes, it really was that easy. All the plotting and planning and scheming was pretty much for nothing. I didn't need to lie; I didn't need to hold him down while he kicked and screamed for his biffy; I didn't need to make him exchange it for a toy that I probably would have gotten him anyway; I wasn't up multiple times overnight to serve as his replacement comfort item. Now I'm wondering how long ago I could have done this!
After the first biffy-free night, I thought for sure it was a fluke. I just waited for him to ask for it the second night. But he didn't say a word about it on the second night...or the third...or the fourth... It's been over a month now, and he hasn't asked for it once. It honestly amazed me how easy it was.
I guess I really shouldn't be that amazed. This isn't the first time he has surprised me with how easily he adapts to what I consider to be a major change. When he turned two last January, we moved him into a new room so that we could use the nursery for Chase. Not only did we move him to a new room, but we moved him from his crib into a double bed. Chase wasn't due until April, and we wouldn't need the nursery right away since we would use the bassinet in our bedroom for the first few months. But thinking that our little creature of habit wouldn't handle this change well, we decided to move him in in January so that we had a few months buffer for what we were sure would be a failure at first. We were convinced that Alec would take one look at his new room and bed and have a meltdown on the spot. But again he amazed us. He was thrilled with his new Thomas-themed room. He climbed right into his bed that first night and slept in it like he had been sleeping there his whole life, never even asking about his crib. Now, almost a year later, he just views the nursery as Chase's room.
There have also been other situations that Alec handled much better than I expected: the start of preschool, the transition out of his high chair, and most recently the change to a new car seat. Maybe this little creature of habit isn't as dependent on his routine as I once thought. Or, more likely, he's just growing up. It kind of makes me wonder what else he is ready for!
Are you ready to hear my secret that worked like a charm? I simply didn't give it to him at night. I didn't say a word about it, and neither did he. Yes, it really was that easy. All the plotting and planning and scheming was pretty much for nothing. I didn't need to lie; I didn't need to hold him down while he kicked and screamed for his biffy; I didn't need to make him exchange it for a toy that I probably would have gotten him anyway; I wasn't up multiple times overnight to serve as his replacement comfort item. Now I'm wondering how long ago I could have done this!
After the first biffy-free night, I thought for sure it was a fluke. I just waited for him to ask for it the second night. But he didn't say a word about it on the second night...or the third...or the fourth... It's been over a month now, and he hasn't asked for it once. It honestly amazed me how easy it was.
I guess I really shouldn't be that amazed. This isn't the first time he has surprised me with how easily he adapts to what I consider to be a major change. When he turned two last January, we moved him into a new room so that we could use the nursery for Chase. Not only did we move him to a new room, but we moved him from his crib into a double bed. Chase wasn't due until April, and we wouldn't need the nursery right away since we would use the bassinet in our bedroom for the first few months. But thinking that our little creature of habit wouldn't handle this change well, we decided to move him in in January so that we had a few months buffer for what we were sure would be a failure at first. We were convinced that Alec would take one look at his new room and bed and have a meltdown on the spot. But again he amazed us. He was thrilled with his new Thomas-themed room. He climbed right into his bed that first night and slept in it like he had been sleeping there his whole life, never even asking about his crib. Now, almost a year later, he just views the nursery as Chase's room.
There have also been other situations that Alec handled much better than I expected: the start of preschool, the transition out of his high chair, and most recently the change to a new car seat. Maybe this little creature of habit isn't as dependent on his routine as I once thought. Or, more likely, he's just growing up. It kind of makes me wonder what else he is ready for!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Giving Thanks the Kids' Way
Last week Alec brought home a craft that he made in school. It was a Thanksgiving placemat, and on it was the phrase, "I am thankful for..." Each child in the class picked something that they were thankful for to put on their placemat. Most of the kids put something like "Mommy" or "Family." But what did Alec put? Apples. I don't even want to think about what his teachers now think of me. At least he didn't put something like soda, cake, BB guns, or worse! I did see another placemat that said "Popcorn" so at least I know he's not the only child in his class who values snacks more than family.
Sometimes I try to look at things the way a child does so that I can understand where my kids are coming from. Take, for instance, Chase's toys. Today I was sitting on the floor with Chase while he was playing, and instead of playing with his toys, he wanted to play with my shoelaces. But if you look at it like he does, this makes sense. To him, a shoelace is just as new of an idea as a toy that lights up and plays music. At 8 months old, everything around him is something new and exciting, even if to us it's something that we use every day and don't even think think twice about.
So I guess I can understand where Alec was coming from with his thankfulness for apples. As an almost 3-year-old, he is just starting to understand the concept of being thankful. To him, being thankful means something that he is happy to have. And on that particular day he was happy that he had an apple. If he had done the craft on a different day, he could have been happy for Dora the Explorer, or swings, or the moon, or maybe even Mommy or Daddy.
Some days I think that kids have the right way of thinking. They have such open minds. They really see the world a different way than adults, and I don't think that's such a bad thing. They smile openly at people. They see almost everything as a game. While this may not always be the best way to think (and I think we all know adults who act like kids a little more than they should!), I think the world might just be a better place if adults thought like kids every once in a while.
When taking some time during the recent Thanksgiving holiday to think about what I am thankful for, I covered the basics. I am thankful for my family and friends. I am thankful for my health. I am thankful for a roof over my head. I am thankful for the means to enjoy a hot meal. But I am also thankful for shoelaces and apples.
My next Mommy's Always Write topic: Liar Liar, Part 2: The Disappearing Biffy
Sometimes I try to look at things the way a child does so that I can understand where my kids are coming from. Take, for instance, Chase's toys. Today I was sitting on the floor with Chase while he was playing, and instead of playing with his toys, he wanted to play with my shoelaces. But if you look at it like he does, this makes sense. To him, a shoelace is just as new of an idea as a toy that lights up and plays music. At 8 months old, everything around him is something new and exciting, even if to us it's something that we use every day and don't even think think twice about.
So I guess I can understand where Alec was coming from with his thankfulness for apples. As an almost 3-year-old, he is just starting to understand the concept of being thankful. To him, being thankful means something that he is happy to have. And on that particular day he was happy that he had an apple. If he had done the craft on a different day, he could have been happy for Dora the Explorer, or swings, or the moon, or maybe even Mommy or Daddy.
Some days I think that kids have the right way of thinking. They have such open minds. They really see the world a different way than adults, and I don't think that's such a bad thing. They smile openly at people. They see almost everything as a game. While this may not always be the best way to think (and I think we all know adults who act like kids a little more than they should!), I think the world might just be a better place if adults thought like kids every once in a while.
When taking some time during the recent Thanksgiving holiday to think about what I am thankful for, I covered the basics. I am thankful for my family and friends. I am thankful for my health. I am thankful for a roof over my head. I am thankful for the means to enjoy a hot meal. But I am also thankful for shoelaces and apples.
My next Mommy's Always Write topic: Liar Liar, Part 2: The Disappearing Biffy
Monday, November 22, 2010
Guess what I did today? (The answer may surprise you!)
Have you guessed yet? I'll give you a hint... By 3pm I was ready for a nap, and by 8pm I was ready to crash!
Ok, time's up. Today I did.... nothing!
Confused? Me too! Let's see... It started at 7am when Chase woke up. Now it's 8:30pm, both kids are asleep, and I'm exhausted! But I'm looking back on the day and finding it pretty hard to come up with something that I actually did today. And I can't for the life of me figure out why I'm so exhausted from doing nothing!
Sometime during the day I managed to get myself and both boys dressed. I prepared some kind of breakfast and lunch for the boys (and since it was a "good" day I even managed to find time for me to eat, even if it was just a few handfuls of food randomly grabbed and thrown in my mouth on the way from getting Alec dressed to picking up the toys that Chase just threw out of his reach). I've lost count of how many diapers I changed. I got Chase down for three 30-minute naps, during which I threw a few dishes into the dishwasher and colored Buzz Lightyear with Alec. And ok, I'll admit that I did check my email and facebook pages a few times to catch any urgent messages, like whose cat just learned how to put down a toilet seat. Chad cooked a yummy dinner, which we chaotically enjoyed as a family. And I wrapped up the day by playing with the boys, tag-teaming their baths with Chad, reading books with them and then finally saying good night and stepping out of Alec's room feeling like I've just run the New York marathon.
So no, I technically didn't do "nothing" today. But really what did I do? The last time I checked, it doesn't take 13 hours to change diapers, cook, eat and read. But somehow I managed to do just that. And today was not an exception to our typical days at home. Most days I find myself exhausted at the end of the day, only to look back and see how unproductive I was.
It also seems like I spend all day with the boys, but at the end of the day I feel like I didn't spend enough time with them. I feel like I neglected them and should have done more with them. I look at other moms who are at home with their kids who manage to maintain an immaculate house, cook three perfectly balanced meals a day (plus a batch of delicious organic carrot-banana muffins for their kids' school), create an Eiffel Tower out of Popsicle sticks, organize the neighborhood clothing drive, head to the local park with the kids for an hour, and make a trip to the gym after the kids are in bed. And that's all in one day! I'm starting to think that I've been having black-outs several times a day, which prevent me from doing anything productive. That must be it.
Oh, and then there's the time that disappears when we're getting ready to go somewhere. Before having children, I was the kind of person who was early to everything. I mean I'd get to wherever I was going so embarrassingly early that I'd hang out in the car or drive around the block a few times. Now I'm lucky if I can even be fashionably late. But here's the thing... I don't know why I'm late. Soon after Alec was born I realized that I needed to allow myself an extra 15 minutes to get everything together before heading out the door. Now, with two children, I try to allow at least that much extra time. But I must have another one of my black-outs during this time because it never fails that we're still running late. For example, Alec needs to be to school at 9:15 in the morning. With no traffic, we can get to his school in 15 minutes, plus the five minutes it takes to get the kids out of the car and into the school. So I try to be on our way out the door at 8:45 to allow for traffic, spilled sippy cups, diaper explosions, wardrobe malfunctions or meteors. But it never fails that I look at the clock in our van as I'm pulling out the driveway and it always says 8:57. Where did those 12 minutes go? I know it doesn't take 12 minutes to click an infant carrier into its base. Must have been another mom black-out.
I'm not sure how long these mom black-outs will go on, but for now I'm just trying to accept that they are a part of my life. I guess this is why people say that kids grow up so quickly. So in my limited time in between black-outs, I'll just try to spend as much time as I can enjoying Alec and Chase without rushing around. And at the end of the day, as I'm dragging my exhausted self up to bed with the dishes still in the sink, I can only hope that my kids know how much I love them, even if I can't be the mom making Popsicle sculptures with them.
My next Mommy's Always Write topic: Giving thanks the kids way
Ok, time's up. Today I did.... nothing!
Confused? Me too! Let's see... It started at 7am when Chase woke up. Now it's 8:30pm, both kids are asleep, and I'm exhausted! But I'm looking back on the day and finding it pretty hard to come up with something that I actually did today. And I can't for the life of me figure out why I'm so exhausted from doing nothing!
Sometime during the day I managed to get myself and both boys dressed. I prepared some kind of breakfast and lunch for the boys (and since it was a "good" day I even managed to find time for me to eat, even if it was just a few handfuls of food randomly grabbed and thrown in my mouth on the way from getting Alec dressed to picking up the toys that Chase just threw out of his reach). I've lost count of how many diapers I changed. I got Chase down for three 30-minute naps, during which I threw a few dishes into the dishwasher and colored Buzz Lightyear with Alec. And ok, I'll admit that I did check my email and facebook pages a few times to catch any urgent messages, like whose cat just learned how to put down a toilet seat. Chad cooked a yummy dinner, which we chaotically enjoyed as a family. And I wrapped up the day by playing with the boys, tag-teaming their baths with Chad, reading books with them and then finally saying good night and stepping out of Alec's room feeling like I've just run the New York marathon.
So no, I technically didn't do "nothing" today. But really what did I do? The last time I checked, it doesn't take 13 hours to change diapers, cook, eat and read. But somehow I managed to do just that. And today was not an exception to our typical days at home. Most days I find myself exhausted at the end of the day, only to look back and see how unproductive I was.
It also seems like I spend all day with the boys, but at the end of the day I feel like I didn't spend enough time with them. I feel like I neglected them and should have done more with them. I look at other moms who are at home with their kids who manage to maintain an immaculate house, cook three perfectly balanced meals a day (plus a batch of delicious organic carrot-banana muffins for their kids' school), create an Eiffel Tower out of Popsicle sticks, organize the neighborhood clothing drive, head to the local park with the kids for an hour, and make a trip to the gym after the kids are in bed. And that's all in one day! I'm starting to think that I've been having black-outs several times a day, which prevent me from doing anything productive. That must be it.
Oh, and then there's the time that disappears when we're getting ready to go somewhere. Before having children, I was the kind of person who was early to everything. I mean I'd get to wherever I was going so embarrassingly early that I'd hang out in the car or drive around the block a few times. Now I'm lucky if I can even be fashionably late. But here's the thing... I don't know why I'm late. Soon after Alec was born I realized that I needed to allow myself an extra 15 minutes to get everything together before heading out the door. Now, with two children, I try to allow at least that much extra time. But I must have another one of my black-outs during this time because it never fails that we're still running late. For example, Alec needs to be to school at 9:15 in the morning. With no traffic, we can get to his school in 15 minutes, plus the five minutes it takes to get the kids out of the car and into the school. So I try to be on our way out the door at 8:45 to allow for traffic, spilled sippy cups, diaper explosions, wardrobe malfunctions or meteors. But it never fails that I look at the clock in our van as I'm pulling out the driveway and it always says 8:57. Where did those 12 minutes go? I know it doesn't take 12 minutes to click an infant carrier into its base. Must have been another mom black-out.
I'm not sure how long these mom black-outs will go on, but for now I'm just trying to accept that they are a part of my life. I guess this is why people say that kids grow up so quickly. So in my limited time in between black-outs, I'll just try to spend as much time as I can enjoying Alec and Chase without rushing around. And at the end of the day, as I'm dragging my exhausted self up to bed with the dishes still in the sink, I can only hope that my kids know how much I love them, even if I can't be the mom making Popsicle sculptures with them.
My next Mommy's Always Write topic: Giving thanks the kids way
Monday, November 8, 2010
The Daylight Savings Time Conspiracy
As you hopefully know by now, this past weekend most of us took a few minutes of our time to set our clocks back an hour. We did this because of this event that happens every year called Daylight Savings Time. And anyone who knows me well knows that I can't stand Daylight Savings Time.
After setting our clocks back an hour a few days ago, we will now wait a few months and then do the exact opposite. Seems kind of pointless to me! So basically the whole country - other than Arizona and Hawaii - walks around jet-lagged for a few days in the fall and again in the spring. If I want to be jet-lagged, I'd much rather take a jet somewhere and have a nice vacation! I think Arizona and Hawaii have the right idea about not participating in Daylight Savings Time.
Some people claim that they actually like Daylight Savings Time because they get an extra hour of sleep in the fall. I'm guessing that these people don't have children. See when you have children, the exact opposite happens. Here's what happened in our house over the weekend... Alec and Chase are both, for the most part, really good sleepers at night. Bedtime is around 8pm, and they usually sleep until between 7:30 and 8:00 the next morning. Perfect! But enter Daylight Savings Time. We kept them up until 9pm on Saturday, because really it was like the new 8pm. So they were extra cranky for the last hour of the day but then fell asleep right away. I can deal with that. But they're kids. They don't have a clue what Daylight Savings Time is. So the next morning they thought it was 7:30am and time to get up. But really it was now 6:30am. So I've kept my kids up an hour later, I've stayed up later myself, and now we're all up an hour earlier. I probably don't need to tell you what kind of mood we were all in on Sunday! This routine will continue for a few days until slowly we all start to adapt to the new time.
Children are creatures of habit (at least my children are). And I have to admit that I like to stick to a routine as much as possible too. But Daylight Savings Time just throws routine out the window. And then there are the people who forget to change their clocks and end up being late for something important. Or the college kids who set their clocks in the wrong direction and end up being two hours early to their class (not mentioning any names here Chad...). And don't forget about all the people who now have to drive home from work in the dark. I'm really finding it hard to see why we need to deal with this!
If I could see one reason why Daylight Savings Time is so great, I might not have such a bitter attitude toward it. But right now the only positive thing I see about it is that it gives some people an excuse to check and/or replace the batteries in their smoke detectors (have you checked yours?). But it would be just as easy to use another day to do this bi-annual task, like maybe a birthday or Labor Day, or maybe even a National Check Your Smoke Detector Batteries Day. Maybe we should ask the people in Arizona and Hawaii when they change their smoke detector batteries. Anyway, I digressed...
There's not really anything I can do to change Daylight Savings Time, so for now I just like to complain about it. In a few days I'll get used to it and forget about it until spring. You can be sure to hear more about it then!
My next Mommy's Always Write topic: Guess what I did today? (The answer may shock you!)
After setting our clocks back an hour a few days ago, we will now wait a few months and then do the exact opposite. Seems kind of pointless to me! So basically the whole country - other than Arizona and Hawaii - walks around jet-lagged for a few days in the fall and again in the spring. If I want to be jet-lagged, I'd much rather take a jet somewhere and have a nice vacation! I think Arizona and Hawaii have the right idea about not participating in Daylight Savings Time.
Some people claim that they actually like Daylight Savings Time because they get an extra hour of sleep in the fall. I'm guessing that these people don't have children. See when you have children, the exact opposite happens. Here's what happened in our house over the weekend... Alec and Chase are both, for the most part, really good sleepers at night. Bedtime is around 8pm, and they usually sleep until between 7:30 and 8:00 the next morning. Perfect! But enter Daylight Savings Time. We kept them up until 9pm on Saturday, because really it was like the new 8pm. So they were extra cranky for the last hour of the day but then fell asleep right away. I can deal with that. But they're kids. They don't have a clue what Daylight Savings Time is. So the next morning they thought it was 7:30am and time to get up. But really it was now 6:30am. So I've kept my kids up an hour later, I've stayed up later myself, and now we're all up an hour earlier. I probably don't need to tell you what kind of mood we were all in on Sunday! This routine will continue for a few days until slowly we all start to adapt to the new time.
Children are creatures of habit (at least my children are). And I have to admit that I like to stick to a routine as much as possible too. But Daylight Savings Time just throws routine out the window. And then there are the people who forget to change their clocks and end up being late for something important. Or the college kids who set their clocks in the wrong direction and end up being two hours early to their class (not mentioning any names here Chad...). And don't forget about all the people who now have to drive home from work in the dark. I'm really finding it hard to see why we need to deal with this!
If I could see one reason why Daylight Savings Time is so great, I might not have such a bitter attitude toward it. But right now the only positive thing I see about it is that it gives some people an excuse to check and/or replace the batteries in their smoke detectors (have you checked yours?). But it would be just as easy to use another day to do this bi-annual task, like maybe a birthday or Labor Day, or maybe even a National Check Your Smoke Detector Batteries Day. Maybe we should ask the people in Arizona and Hawaii when they change their smoke detector batteries. Anyway, I digressed...
There's not really anything I can do to change Daylight Savings Time, so for now I just like to complain about it. In a few days I'll get used to it and forget about it until spring. You can be sure to hear more about it then!
My next Mommy's Always Write topic: Guess what I did today? (The answer may shock you!)
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
I've become THAT mom
We've all been there. You're standing in the grocery store debating between the brand name of crackers and the store brand. Go with the brand, or save the money. Decisions, decisions. Just when you think you've made your choice, enter THAT mom. The mom with two kids in the cart and one kid walking, where one of the cart kids is screaming his head off, the other is hanging over the side of the cart dragging her arms on the floor, and the kid walking is pulling everything off the shelves. And THAT mom doesn't even seem to notice that any of this is going on. So while you're busy trying to make one of life's really important decisions, THAT mom is smiling, going about her own business while her kids are driving you mad. You think to yourself, how can she not do something about her kids? My kids will never be like that. Even if you don't have kids, I'm guessing you've experienced THAT mom.
Fortunately for me, Alec loves to go to the grocery store and practically throws a fit if I don't take him, and for now Chase just comes along for the ride or stays home with Chad. So I have been lucky enough to avoid the grocery store meltdown. However, I wish I could say the same for the shoe store. I have definitely been THAT mom in the shoe store. Yes, I was the mother with the baby screaming in the stroller while the toddler throws a world-is-ending fit about trying on shoes. I stood there and tuned out Chase's wailing while forcing shoes onto Alec, who was rolling around on the store floor, face red, legs and arms flailing, breaking the sound barrier with his yelling. I was the mother that I'd witnessed numerous times before and since having children. I was THAT mom - the mom who I swore I would never be.
I have also been THAT mom in other situations:
THAT mom lets her kids watch TV while she takes a shower. I'll never do that!
THAT mom gave her kid a hot dog for lunch AND dinner. I'll never do that!
THAT mom lets her kids watch a movie in the car. I'll never do that!
I've already learned a valuable lesson in my few years of parenting: never say never. Yep, that's right. I've tackled all three of these situations, all which I said I would never do. And the more my boys grow up, the more I'm finding that I become THAT mom.
While becoming THAT mom, I'm also learning not to judge other parents when I see them doing something that I may think I would never do. I'm learning that there actually is some kind of logic to letting your kids melt down in the store, whether it's the grocery store or shoe store. There is logic to doing what you have to in order to get a shower in. There is logic to giving your kids a hot dog for lunch and dinner. And believe it or not there is even logic to giving in and letting your kids watch a 90 minute movie on an eight hour car trip. Do my kids throw fits every time we're in a store? No. Do they watch TV every day while I shower? No. Do they eat hot dogs every day for every meal? No. Do they watch movies in the car on the 5-minute drive to the bank? No. But every once in a while I cave and become THAT mom in order to save my sanity. It's just a part of being a parent.
Right now there are only two things I can think of that I claim I will never do to become THAT mom. One is using those "car" grocery carts at the grocery store, and the other is giving my children medicine that will supposedly "help" them sleep for a long trip. Nothing personal against moms who do use those car carts at the store; I just can't stand them! And as for the sleepy medicine, I've just seen it backfire one too many times. So next year when you see me at the store pushing Alec & Chase in a car cart and buying Benadryl, you'll know I've once again become THAT mom!
My next Mommy's Always Write topic: The Daylight Savings Time Conspiracy
Fortunately for me, Alec loves to go to the grocery store and practically throws a fit if I don't take him, and for now Chase just comes along for the ride or stays home with Chad. So I have been lucky enough to avoid the grocery store meltdown. However, I wish I could say the same for the shoe store. I have definitely been THAT mom in the shoe store. Yes, I was the mother with the baby screaming in the stroller while the toddler throws a world-is-ending fit about trying on shoes. I stood there and tuned out Chase's wailing while forcing shoes onto Alec, who was rolling around on the store floor, face red, legs and arms flailing, breaking the sound barrier with his yelling. I was the mother that I'd witnessed numerous times before and since having children. I was THAT mom - the mom who I swore I would never be.
I have also been THAT mom in other situations:
THAT mom lets her kids watch TV while she takes a shower. I'll never do that!
THAT mom gave her kid a hot dog for lunch AND dinner. I'll never do that!
THAT mom lets her kids watch a movie in the car. I'll never do that!
I've already learned a valuable lesson in my few years of parenting: never say never. Yep, that's right. I've tackled all three of these situations, all which I said I would never do. And the more my boys grow up, the more I'm finding that I become THAT mom.
While becoming THAT mom, I'm also learning not to judge other parents when I see them doing something that I may think I would never do. I'm learning that there actually is some kind of logic to letting your kids melt down in the store, whether it's the grocery store or shoe store. There is logic to doing what you have to in order to get a shower in. There is logic to giving your kids a hot dog for lunch and dinner. And believe it or not there is even logic to giving in and letting your kids watch a 90 minute movie on an eight hour car trip. Do my kids throw fits every time we're in a store? No. Do they watch TV every day while I shower? No. Do they eat hot dogs every day for every meal? No. Do they watch movies in the car on the 5-minute drive to the bank? No. But every once in a while I cave and become THAT mom in order to save my sanity. It's just a part of being a parent.
Right now there are only two things I can think of that I claim I will never do to become THAT mom. One is using those "car" grocery carts at the grocery store, and the other is giving my children medicine that will supposedly "help" them sleep for a long trip. Nothing personal against moms who do use those car carts at the store; I just can't stand them! And as for the sleepy medicine, I've just seen it backfire one too many times. So next year when you see me at the store pushing Alec & Chase in a car cart and buying Benadryl, you'll know I've once again become THAT mom!
My next Mommy's Always Write topic: The Daylight Savings Time Conspiracy
Monday, October 25, 2010
Liar Liar
Chad & I are currently debating how and when to handle the pacifier (or "biffy" as we have come to call it) addiction that Alec has. He only uses it at night and for nap/quiet time, but we're questioning whether he really "needs" it anymore. He'll be three at the end of January, and it seems to us that by then he should be biffy-free. On the other hand, I don't think it's hurting anything for him to use it, and I don't think he'll be 21 and still sleeping with his biffy (and if he is then it's his problem to deal with at that point!).
So hypothetically let's say that we want to take his biffy away for good. How should we go about doing this? I've heard several suggestions, from using the pacifier to "pay" for a new toy, to quitting cold turkey, or as my mom did with me, telling him that a mommy squirrel needs it for her baby. These are all good suggestions; however, I don't think any of them are right for Alec. Knowing the kind of kid he is, my mommy voice is telling me to just tell Alec one day that we can't find his biffy. But this leads me to my real inner dilemma... How much is it ok to lie to your children?
Everyone tells their kids lies at some point, and if you say that you don't, I'm pretty sure that you're lying. Take Santa Claus for example. That's not even a little white lie. That's a whopper of a lie. But for most families who celebrate Christmas, Santa is a big part of their lives for at least a few years. Why do we tell our kids about Santa? Maybe it's because we want to create a little bit of magic for them. Maybe it's because we need another incentive to encourage them to be on their best behavior. Maybe it was a part of our past and we want to continue the tradition. Whatever the reason, Santa is a complete lie. Yet most of us don't think twice about mentioning the jolly old man in a red suit and his reindeer to our kids every year.
Then there are all the other little white lies that we tell our kids... "Mommy's eating a carrot honey" (yeah, a carrot named Twix); "if you keep making that face it will get stuck that way;" "the pool water turns green if you pee in it;" and the list goes on. In fact, just yesterday I told Alec that I had to go upstairs to take a nap too, in hopes of convincing him to take a nap of his own (ok, so this really wouldn't be a lie if I had the time to take a nap!).
Again, I question why we feel the need to tell these lies. My assumption is that we lie to our kids because we think it is in their best interest. And most of the time it probably is. It's not hurting anything, and they'll never know the difference anyway.
So that brings me back to my original question... How should Chad and I remove the biffy from Alec's life? I have no guilt about telling our kids about Santa Claus, but for some reason my conscience is kicking in about telling Alec that we can't find his biffy. Why should I tell him we can't find it when the truth is that we just don't want him to have it anymore? Why can't I just tell him that if he wants a new stuffed animal that he needs to give up his biffy? Probably because that would be doing it the hard way. It comes down to a few nights of crying and whining versus possibly weeks of screaming tantrums. I know which situation I'd rather be in!
I think in this case I'm going to need to listen to the little mommy voice and just tell him that we can't find it. Yes, it's a lie. Yes, it's the easy way out. And yes, I will have a guilty conscience for a split second. But in this case I think that yes, it is in his best interest. And someday I'll tell him the truth, so that makes this one little lie ok. Right?
My next Mommy's Always Write topic: I've become THAT mom!
So hypothetically let's say that we want to take his biffy away for good. How should we go about doing this? I've heard several suggestions, from using the pacifier to "pay" for a new toy, to quitting cold turkey, or as my mom did with me, telling him that a mommy squirrel needs it for her baby. These are all good suggestions; however, I don't think any of them are right for Alec. Knowing the kind of kid he is, my mommy voice is telling me to just tell Alec one day that we can't find his biffy. But this leads me to my real inner dilemma... How much is it ok to lie to your children?
Everyone tells their kids lies at some point, and if you say that you don't, I'm pretty sure that you're lying. Take Santa Claus for example. That's not even a little white lie. That's a whopper of a lie. But for most families who celebrate Christmas, Santa is a big part of their lives for at least a few years. Why do we tell our kids about Santa? Maybe it's because we want to create a little bit of magic for them. Maybe it's because we need another incentive to encourage them to be on their best behavior. Maybe it was a part of our past and we want to continue the tradition. Whatever the reason, Santa is a complete lie. Yet most of us don't think twice about mentioning the jolly old man in a red suit and his reindeer to our kids every year.
Then there are all the other little white lies that we tell our kids... "Mommy's eating a carrot honey" (yeah, a carrot named Twix); "if you keep making that face it will get stuck that way;" "the pool water turns green if you pee in it;" and the list goes on. In fact, just yesterday I told Alec that I had to go upstairs to take a nap too, in hopes of convincing him to take a nap of his own (ok, so this really wouldn't be a lie if I had the time to take a nap!).
Again, I question why we feel the need to tell these lies. My assumption is that we lie to our kids because we think it is in their best interest. And most of the time it probably is. It's not hurting anything, and they'll never know the difference anyway.
So that brings me back to my original question... How should Chad and I remove the biffy from Alec's life? I have no guilt about telling our kids about Santa Claus, but for some reason my conscience is kicking in about telling Alec that we can't find his biffy. Why should I tell him we can't find it when the truth is that we just don't want him to have it anymore? Why can't I just tell him that if he wants a new stuffed animal that he needs to give up his biffy? Probably because that would be doing it the hard way. It comes down to a few nights of crying and whining versus possibly weeks of screaming tantrums. I know which situation I'd rather be in!
I think in this case I'm going to need to listen to the little mommy voice and just tell him that we can't find it. Yes, it's a lie. Yes, it's the easy way out. And yes, I will have a guilty conscience for a split second. But in this case I think that yes, it is in his best interest. And someday I'll tell him the truth, so that makes this one little lie ok. Right?
My next Mommy's Always Write topic: I've become THAT mom!
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