Monday, October 25, 2010

Liar Liar

Chad & I are currently debating how and when to handle the pacifier (or "biffy" as we have come to call it) addiction that Alec has. He only uses it at night and for nap/quiet time, but we're questioning whether he really "needs" it anymore. He'll be three at the end of January, and it seems to us that by then he should be biffy-free. On the other hand, I don't think it's hurting anything for him to use it, and I don't think he'll be 21 and still sleeping with his biffy (and if he is then it's his problem to deal with at that point!).

So hypothetically let's say that we want to take his biffy away for good. How should we go about doing this? I've heard several suggestions, from using the pacifier to "pay" for a new toy, to quitting cold turkey, or as my mom did with me, telling him that a mommy squirrel needs it for her baby. These are all good suggestions; however, I don't think any of them are right for Alec. Knowing the kind of kid he is, my mommy voice is telling me to just tell Alec one day that we can't find his biffy. But this leads me to my real inner dilemma... How much is it ok to lie to your children?

Everyone tells their kids lies at some point, and if you say that you don't, I'm pretty sure that you're lying. Take Santa Claus for example. That's not even a little white lie. That's a whopper of a lie. But for most families who celebrate Christmas, Santa is a big part of their lives for at least a few years. Why do we tell our kids about Santa? Maybe it's because we want to create a little bit of magic for them. Maybe it's because we need another incentive to encourage them to be on their best behavior. Maybe it was a part of our past and we want to continue the tradition. Whatever the reason, Santa is a complete lie. Yet most of us don't think twice about mentioning the jolly old man in a red suit and his reindeer to our kids every year.

Then there are all the other little white lies that we tell our kids... "Mommy's eating a carrot honey" (yeah, a carrot named Twix); "if you keep making that face it will get stuck that way;" "the pool water turns green if you pee in it;" and the list goes on. In fact, just yesterday I told Alec that I had to go upstairs to take a nap too, in hopes of convincing him to take a nap of his own (ok, so this really wouldn't be a lie if I had the time to take a nap!).

Again, I question why we feel the need to tell these lies. My assumption is that we lie to our kids because we think it is in their best interest. And most of the time it probably is. It's not hurting anything, and they'll never know the difference anyway.

So that brings me back to my original question... How should Chad and I remove the biffy from Alec's life? I have no guilt about telling our kids about Santa Claus, but for some reason my conscience is kicking in about telling Alec that we can't find his biffy. Why should I tell him we can't find it when the truth is that we just don't want him to have it anymore? Why can't I just tell him that if he wants a new stuffed animal that he needs to give up his biffy? Probably because that would be doing it the hard way. It comes down to a few nights of crying and whining versus possibly weeks of screaming tantrums. I know which situation I'd rather be in!

I think in this case I'm going to need to listen to the little mommy voice and just tell him that we can't find it. Yes, it's a lie. Yes, it's the easy way out. And yes, I will have a guilty conscience for a split second. But in this case I think that yes, it is in his best interest. And someday I'll tell him the truth, so that makes this one little lie ok. Right?

My next Mommy's Always Write topic: I've become THAT mom!


  1. OK - Just for the record. I NEVER ate candy and told you it was a carrot....I NEVER told you that if you made a face, it would get stuck that way (although I was tempted at times)....I NEVER told you that the pool water would turn green if you peed in it....I have no idea where you learned these things!

  2. When you find the sure-fire plan....please pass it our way. Katie, too, is only allowed to have them in the crib, but after a trip in the car to VA a few weeks ago that took 6.5 hours instead of 4, I was desperate and popped one in her mouth.....

    Now every time she gets in the car, she asks for it. MOST times, I'm strong...there are some days where Mama just doesn't need to pick that battle to fight.... Some days I just want to toss them and deal with the screams....others I think that maybe Santa can take them and give them to the babies....which will just result in screaming, so why bother with the "story." Part of me thinks she'll get rid of it when she's ready...just like everything else - the bottle, only taking 1 nap instead of 2.....etc etc. I'm anxious to hear what works..... I'll let you test it out and then report back to the rest of us poor souls who have Paci-dependent kids!

  3. do you know anyone having a baby soon or who just had one? you could tell him that the baby needs his pacifiers and you can have him help you pack them up to mail to them?? or what if the car "accidentally" ran them over - or is that too tramatic for him to see - the paci in pieces. does he have another lovey to substitue - a blanket/stuffed animal? mine never took the paci (although i certainly tried!) so i'm no expert. good luck!!!